Journey to the past
by abete rosso
Summary: A few days after the Department of Mysteries Harry's hurt and lonely. Trying to hide from the world he falls asleep in the RofR. What will he find getting out of it?
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

_/A.N. Takes place just after Sirius died. After the chat with Luna_

He walked the corridors not really looking around, bumping occasionally into students. He was glad they didn't talk to him. Even if they tried asking Harry Potter about the recent trip to the Ministry he didn't answer.. just ignored them. The loss of Sirius was just too fresh, the wound too sore, the guilt overwhelming. Even the knowledge of the prophecy wasn't that much of weight on his shoulders compared to that. He wandered the castle alone. Ron and Hermione were still in the hospital wing and frankly he was glad he was left alone. It was June, but it was pouring so the school was full of people. Harry looked around and found himself in a quite familiar corridor on 7th floor. A group of first-years was leaving laughing in the opposite direction but he was sure he won't stay alone for long and he just so yearned for solitude now. He saw two girls turning the corner and walking towards him from where the group has just disappeared and turned back only to make a few steps to see Malfoy coming from the other side. Still quite far away. Harry turned again started to move in the first direction again. But after a few paces he saw the wall on his right shimmer and a little door appeared just behind him. The Room of Requirement. Why didn't he think about it earlier? He turned to see that Malfoy saw the entrance too and was now speeding up with such a loathing in his eyes that his face looked even paler. Harry wasn't up to that now. Not so soon, so he just entered to room swiftly and closed the door behind him. He heard the Slytherin bang on it a few times on the other side but he really didn't care.

There was a coach with a little table beside it; a pile of books lay neatly on it. Harry moved slowly to have a closer look and gasped at the first page of the top book. It was a diary, a little notebook with colorful covers so out of place at Hogwarts. But what really struck him was that it wasn't written in ink, it was in pencil with little pictures on nearly every page. The handwriting was vaguely familiar, but Harry thought that the girl, and it definitely was a girl, should be quite young, as it was. Rather shaky.

"Tuney still doesn't write to me. Of course Mum and Dad always say "hello" from her but I don't think she really asks them to and it hurts. I miss her so much!!!! With all these new people and things to learn here it's wonderful, but sometimes I really feel alone. I'm still mad at Sev for reading that letter, but still it's good he's here…"

Harry sat on the coach and continued reading. He had no idea whom was the girl pouring her soul onto these pages, but it was somehow nice to forget his own problems for a while. It stopped abruptly with a long pencil line to the corner as if snatched from the writer and Harry put it back on the table only to pick the next book. Again it was definitely a muggle-made notebook. This time it wasn't a diary though. The pages were full of sketches of creatures and plants, people and rooms. Under every picture there was a little note in the same writing he saw in the diary. "Professor Torp, DADA teacher" was written under the drawing of a tall lanky man in robes with little square spectacles. A very good sketch of McGonagall was on the next page with a caption reading "Professor McGonagall, Transfiguration teacher." So the previous one must have been Defense against the Dark arts then. He flicked through the book noticing familiar faces of Dumbledore and Hagrid, the little Flitwick standing on his chair. It seemed the unknown girl was trying to capture every aspect of her new life and her new worlds—it was so obvious she was muggleborn. He wasn't even in the middle of the thick pad when he found an unfinished sketch of a boy again with a long pencil line to the side of the sheet. It seemed the girl was once again interrupted.

Harry wondered how these things happened to be here and who was this girl. Somehow he couldn't picture a boy doing all these things.

He picked the next pad from the table and frowned—it was empty but still muggle-made. He put it back and moved to lie on the coach. There were still plenty of pads and books left, but he somehow didn't want to continue reading. So he just lay there watching the sealing. It was low and dark. Lit only by the candles on the table. No sound penetrated the silence and it was somehow peaceful. He thought that he hasn't slept since the Ministry… He couldn't even think the name Sirius. The Ministry. It was dark there too. And quiet. And deadly. Images of the rooms and corridors flashed through his mind, Death Eaters chasing them, cursing them. Killing … him. He was so brave, so full of life… even after all those years in Azkaban. So full of love and hope. And now he was gone. Just like that. And he'll never write… never speak to him. Never… He'll just never see his face. Tears were prickling in Harry's eyes and he was glad he was alone and didn't have to pretend or hide it from anyone. Didn't need to be strong. Could be just a boy who lost his … friend? … father? …brother? He couldn't find a suitable word. His godfather was just so much more to him than just that. He felt grief and pain engulf him again and stretched to pick the next book from the table. This one seemed to be a diary too. The handwriting was a bit stronger here, but still unmistakably belonged to the same person who used the previous books. He opened it a t random and started reading again.

"_It's been two weeks since that day and I haven't spoken to Sev once. That hurt. But still, as I said, I made my choice, he made his. I just hope it won't come to fighting with all Voldemort thing. It's nice how distant it all seems from here. Only to think that only two more years and we'll have to join the fight… It terrifies me. Though I wouldn't stay at home and do nothing either. Just reading all these terrible things in the Prophet every morning… all those people dead. Just for fun… I'd never understand that. How can he be friends with such people? That's just beyond me… His choice. _

_We're leaving tomorrow morning… going home for the summer and I've never wanted to leave Hogwarts less than I do now. Tuney won't speak to me again. Mum tells me she met a bloke at college. Good for her. James asked me out again last Saturday (there was a Hogsmeade day) but I turned him down… as usual. He's still an arrogant git, but somehow he's much nicer to me after that day. If he keeps improving, I might agree if he asks me again when we get back here. I really hope he does. With all this terror and gloom around we really need hope and happiness. It's not the reason though—I really like him._

Never thought I'd say this."

Harry's heart was racing as he flipped some pages and read again.

"Next time will be my last year in Hogwarts and I'm sad. Is it always like this? It's been five years (or six?) but it feels like I got the letter yesterday. It was sad watching the sorting. We've got a new dada teacher again (this job is jinxed, that's for sure!) and he's mad. Had his lesson today. I really have no idea how we're going to pass N.E.W.T.s next year, let alone fight Voldemort, if he's teaching us! It seems he's never raised his wand to defend himself against anything at all! He's been telling silly unbelievable stories about Vampires all lessons! Couldn't they get someone qualified??? But probably they couldn't. Everyone with enough skill is busy keeping the world safe… well.. As safe as possible. Remus suggested we start a club learning defense ourselves, but I doubt it'll work—it's too advanced to learn by books. We really would need a teacher. Sirius being Sirius suggested asking Dumbledore, but that's just a joke, I'm sure. If he had time to teach, we wouldn't have got professor Thomas. Anyway. It all seems bad at the moment, but probably it's just me being my pessimistic self. It's been a week since the term started and nothing really happened. Even the Marauders haven't pulled any pranks yet. It would be sad if they stopped altogether. I do think we need a laugh and they're the best in that stuff. James is real nice too. Still hasn't asked me out though and it's frustrating. What's up with me? He was really annoying last year. I think I'd better go to bed now though, it's nearly nine and I still need to get to Griffindor Tower from here without Filch noticing me. I'm in no mood for that."

It was impossible, brilliant, but absolutely improbable that he found this diary. Harry had next to none doubt left that this girl was indeed his mum. He laughed as he hasn't laughed for a long time now. Even the pain he felt for Sirius lifted a little. He flipped through the pages reading quickly smiling at every mention of the people he knew. She wrote nearly every day! Harry's never had so much information on his parents. He read and reread until he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

He woke up suddenly with a jolt and couldn't understand where he was and why. It must be late and he really should go back to the tower. He stood up and stretched. It was the first time he slept without nightmares since... well… the Ministry and he felt a little bit stronger now. At the thought his heart clenched though. Reading about his mum's day-to-day life on one hand eased the grief a little. On the other hand she and his dad and Sirius seemed so much more alive that the contrast with the reality was terrifying. He put the books on the table again. Somehow he didn't feel like taking them with him. Strange really, but it felt wrong somehow. With one last glance (who knows if he'd be able to find this room again) he left.

The corridors were nearly empty despite the fact it was day and raining. He walked slowly towards the tower grimly looking down. He knew this path by heart so he didn't really pay attention where he was until a familiar voice brought him up short.

"Potter, what are you doing here? Why are you not in class?"

Harry turned around. He was so surprised by the question all his worries were pushed away.

"What class?" he asked incredulously. "I thought they were over…" he trailed off as professor McGonagall was now looking strangely at him. "Professor, are you alright?" he asked. She was really pale now; worry replacing anger in her eyes. Unconsciously Harry backed away a little but she still hadn't moved. "Professor McGonagall, what's wrong?" he pulled all his courage and asked again. He's never seen her in such a state and it was frightening him.

"Come with me," she said strictly and turned around.

Great, Harry thought. What has he done now to scare her this much? At least she wasn't in St Mungo's anymore. They walked past empty corridors and somehow Harry was glad they weren't going to the common room. It made him feel better. He's been avoiding it as much as he could in this last week—too many people there. Even though Dumbledore asked them not to ask questions, their stares were never easy to handle.

She stopped so suddenly Harry nearly bumped into her. "Sorry," he said, but she seemed too worried by something to notice. They were at the entrance to Dumbledore office. Whatever he's done-it was bad then, Harry though. It was always nice to at least know why you're punished. He walked onto the stone stairs.

"Stay here," McGonagall told him and disappeared behind the door in headmaster's cabinet.

He's been so many times here he walked straight towards one of the chairs and sat down. The last time he was here was just after Dumbledore told him about the prophecy, but it didn't really bother him. It will, he knew hat, but just not now. He needed time to grieve for Sirius. There'll be plenty of time to grieve for himself.

The door opened swiftly and out came Dumbledore himself. He came toward Harry with a look of grim determination and curiosity on his face.

"Mr. Potter?" he asked looking straight into Harry's eyes.

"Yes, Professor?" he replied. The whole situation was ridiculous. Why did Dumbledore act as if he didn't know him? And McGonagall… She seemed practically terrified by now. "Professor, what's wrong?" he asked the headmaster bluntly.

"Come in," he said, curiosity winning the match for the expression on his face. "Minerva, could you join us please?" he turned to McGonagall and she nodded and followed them inside.

Harry's own curiosity was flaring now. 24 hours before he wouldn't have believed it possible, but he really was curious and looked around the office noting some little differences from the last time he's been here.

"Sit down please," the headmaster gestured to the chair in front of his desk and Harry obeyed.

"Potter again. What has he done now?" the voice of Phineas Nigellus said from one of the portraits. "And why is he alone this time? I can't believe my idiot of a great-great-grandson hasn't participated in whatever you caught this one doing, Dumbledore!"

Harry flinched and looked surprised at the portrait.

"Thank you, Phineas. That's enough," Dumbledore said evenly his eye never leaving Harry who was now staring back in amazement.

"Professor, what year is it?" the boy asked in a whisper. He couldn't believe… yet hoped… yet…

"What an interesting question you ask, young man," Dumbledore said with a smile and moved to sit beside his desk. "But before that, I think you should introduce yourself. It's quite clear you're not the one we're used to seeing."

"I'm Harry Potter, sir," Harry replied and McGonagall gasped.

"I see. Nice to meet you, Harry," Dumbledore said gently. "I take it you're from the future then," he asked casually."

"Yes. 26th June 1996," Harry replied.

"Oh, I see. We're in 1976 now," he paused. "I wonder, how did you get here? It's amazing really. Time travel."

Harry paused. He really didn't know. And how much could he tell…

"I don't know, Professor. I wanted to be alone. Wanted to hide from everyone… to… to think… to remember. So I went to the Room of Requirement and fell asleep there. When I woke up I wanted to get back to the common room before curfew. If I wasn't late that is. My watch doesn't work. But then Professor McGonagall found me and brought me here."

"And what was in the room?" the headmaster asked and Harry blushed.

"A coach and a table. And… diaries," he said.

"I see," Dumbledore said his eyes twinkling.

"Professor, do you think I could get back the same way?" Harry asked a sense of dread creeping into his heart. He had to go back. He had to.

"A very good question, Harry. I think we should try, but I doubt it'll work straight away. I'm afraid you're stuck here for some time," the headmaster said grimly.

"How d you know that, sir? Has this happened before?" Harry asked looking at McGonagall and Dumbledore n turns.

"Only once," Dumbledore said. "Now, Harry. As you're staying with us for a while I think you should join the students and study. What year are you in?"

"Just finished my fifth. I didn't get the OWL results though yet."

"I see. And you're a Griffindor I assume," Dumbledore said and Hurry looked at him surprised.

"Yes."

"Minerva, I think we should place Harry with the rest of 6th years of your house," he turned to McGonagall and she nodded.

"What subjects will he learn though? We've never had a 6th year without OWL's before," she said.

"Oh, I think we should ask Harry about that," he said and turned back to Harry. "Which OWL's did you take and which do you think you've passed? No need to be shy here."

"Well, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, History of Magic, Astronomy and Divination. I don't think I passed History of Magic and Divination. I think I did quite well in Potions, but definitely not outstanding. Herbology and Charms I'm quite sure of. In transfiguration I made a little mistake… I forgot the definition of a Switching Spell during my written paper but managed the entire practical well enough. I'm sure of Care of Magical Creatures but I didn't want to continue that one for NEWTs. Oh. And I think I got Outstanding in defense."

"Oh, really?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Yeah. The written paper was easy and I managed all the practical tasks. Even one for additional points."

"Oh, and what would that be?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Patronus," Harry said simply. It was weird telling Dumbledore about this as his Dumbledore already knew and understood all of this.

"So you can produce a Patronus. In your fifth year?" McGonagall asked surprised.

"Yes. Professor Lu… I was taught in the third year by our defense against the Dark Arts professor," Harry said blushing.

"Can you show us?" Dumbledore asked and Harry pulled out his wand and said the spell.

"Impressive," Dumbledore said thoughtfully looking at the silver stag in his office.

"And what subjects do you want to take then? I'm sure you had your career interview during your last year?" McGonagall asked.

"I want to be an Auror," Harry said blushing even deeper.

"I see," Dumbledore said thoughtfully again. "Well, then, Minerva. I think we can put Mr. Potter in all the classes to fulfill his dreams, I don't think he'll have any problems. The terms started only three weeks ago, I think he'll be able to catch up."

"Of course," McGonagall said and left the room.

"I want to ask you, Harry," Dumbledore said watching the boy steadily. "Don't tell your fellow students about the future. It's never good knowing. I understand there will be questions as you look exactly like your father, I think I guessed correctly?" Receiving a nod from Harry he continued. "You can tell them you got here from the future accidentally, but you can't tell them the details. It's really important, Harry."

"I understand, Professor. Don't worry. I'll need the books and everything though."

"We'll sort it out. Don't worry. You'll start your lessons tomorrow. And Harry, you might help your fellow students with Defense. It is getting hard to get teachers every year…" Dumbledore said wistfully.

Harry smiled at that.

"I will, Professor. Can I start today though?"

Dumbledore watched his for a second. "Of course. One of the prefects will give you your timetable at lunch."

"Thank you, Professor. Can I go now?"

"Oh, yes. Of course. I think you should go to lunch now. The classes will end in five minutes," the headmaster said giving his watch a glance.


	3. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

By the time he entered the great hall it was nearly full, students everywhere, but this time Harry didn't feel the urge to leave. He walked unnoticed to the Griffindor table and sat down. It was strange… this lack of notice. From the first day he entered the magical world people were staring at him, he was famous and this sense of anonymity he now got was pleasant. He ate slowly looking around curiously but nobody seemed interested enough to notice him. It was nice.

"Harry," he heard a familiar voice and turned to see Lupin. Just like he saw him in the Pensive in Snape's office. Only not so pale.

"Hello, Remus," he said and Lupin halted but then shrugged and continued. "McGonagall told me you are going to stay with us for a while and that I have to help you along as you don't know anyone. Not sure about that though," he smiled studying Harry's face and coming it seemed to the same conclusion Dumbledore made. "This is your timetable. It's defense against the Dark arts today after lunch. Any questions you have—just come and ask. I'm a prefect. That's kind of my job anyway. The password for this week is Patronus. Your bed will be the furthest from the door in 6th years dorm. McGonagall said you don't' have your stuff, so you can use mine until you get yours," he turned his head noticing a red head girl coming into the hall and waved for her to come along. "Harry, this is Lily Evans. She's another prefect of our year."

"Hello, Harry," Lily said smiling looking at him curiously. "Welcome to Hogwarts.. Well.. Our Hogwarts at least. If you have any problems—just ask. I'll be glad to help you."

"Thanks," Harry said staring at her. Lily blushed and Lupin smirked.

"Ok then," she said cheerfully. "I'll join Alice then. See you later."

"Do you mind if I join you?" Lupin asked still standing next to Harry.

"Oh, yes, sure," Harry grinned and Remus sat next to him.

"My friends will come soon too. I think you'd like to meet them," Remus said smirking and Harry choked. Just at that moment two boys walked through the doors chatting loudly searching the hall for someone. As soon as their eyes found Remus they strode purposefully towards them and sat in front of them.

"So you're our guest from the future then," Sirius asked boldly helping himself with food.

"Yeah," Harry said quietly staring at them. He shook his head then and blushed. "Sorry."

"It seems you know us then," James smirked studying the face so much like his own.

"Kind of," Harry said drinking his pumpkin juice.

"Creepy," Sirius said and they all laughed.

"Where's Peter?" Lupin asked and Harry caught off guard flinched but nobody noticed.

"Ran back to the dormitory. Says he forgot something but I think he's just hiding from Brown," James said and Sirius laughed.

"So, are you starting tomorrow?" James asked Harry.

"No, just after lunch. Don't have anything though…"

"Don't worry. We'll share. And anyway, Professor Thomas isn't exactly interested in defense so I doubt you'll really need anything except a pillow." Sirius laughed and Harry smiled recalling his mother's words in her diary.

"I know what you mean," he said.

"So the jinx is still at large in the future?" Lupin asked curiously.

"Well, yeah. Haven't had a teacher for longer than a year. One of them was killed, Another lost his memory, the next just left, another got kissed by a dementor and the last one told the herd of centaurs they were filthy half-bloods and got thoroughly bitten up," Harry told them in a matter of fact voice and all three other boys laughed.

"Forget I said anything about teaching defense," Remus said half-jokingly.

"Come on, Moony. You could be the lucky one and just leave," they all laughed and Harry choked.

"Good one, Padfoot," he said and Sirius looked at him surprised for a moment but then just shrugged. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"No, you really shouldn't," Harry laughed.

They entered the classroom a few minutes before the lesson started and Harry went to see Professor Thomas. By the time they came back all seats were full except for the one in the front row beside Lily Evans and Harry swallowed and sat there as the lesson started.

It was worse that Quirell, Lockhart and Umbridge. It was nonsense. Professor was telling a fascinating story how he was chasing Death Eaters. By the time he reached the part where he fought the Cruciatus Curse Harry couldn't remain silent and said.

"That's just nonsense. You can't even think straight, let alone fight."

The room was silent staring at him.

"No way," he heard Sirius say from a few rows behind him.

Professor Thomas looked at him as if deciding what to do about this comment but then just continued with the story.

By the end of the class Harry was in such a deep shock he didn't notice the students leaving until James shook him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. That's just… nonsense. How do they expect us to learn defense with this… He hadn't got a single fact correctly except that the Death Eaters could run," Harry exclaimed walking out of the room.

Lupin, Sirius, James and Peter glanced at each other.

"You know that stuff then," Lupin said and Harry looked at his startled.

"Some of it," he said uncertainly.

"You've been cursed with Cruciatus," James stated looking at him with wonder.

"Yes," Harry replied. And with Imperious, He thought. And with the killing curse as well. What a life. He chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing. Just what a wonderful life I'm leading being only fifteen and having experienced Cruciatus and Imperious."

"What?" all of the marauders exclaimed.

"Well, yeah."

"Who did that to you?" asked Lupin who was as pale as ice now.

"Voldemort," Harry said grimly before he could stop himself and noticed everyone flinch. "Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself," he said to them. He would have never thought these ones would be afraid of it and it was kind of strange.

"There's something in that," James said finally. "I just don't understand. How are you still alive?"

"I'm just lucky, I am, Prongs," Harry smiled sadly at his father.

"You can't tell us," Remus stated and everybody looked at Harry who nodded.

"Dumbledore said I shouldn't. Knowing ones future isn't a good thing."

"Well, you know us so at least we're still there then," Sirius tried to lift the mood and they all laughed at that not noticing the bitterness in Harry's eyes.

"So, what's it like? Imperious?" Sirius asked suddenly.

"Padfoot, I don't think Harry wants to think about that," said Lupin.

"Come on, Moony. You know Aurors have to fight it. It's the part of their special training!"

"But Harry's only 15! He doesn't know how to do that yet!" Moony contradicted.

"I know," Harry said and blushed again when all their faces turned to him.

"You fought him?" James asked incredulously.

"I had to," Harry said. He still didn't think much o himself, thought the DA helped him to really appreciate what he could do.

"You really are something," Lupin said.

"Yeah," James said and then looked at Sirius and Remus with a strange manic twinkle in his eyes. "I think we've found him."

"Who?" Peter asked finally regaining his voice.

"Our Defense against the dark arts teacher," James said and similar mad smiles appeared on Padfoot's and Moony's faces.

"Oh, not that again," Harry moaned and four friends turned to look at him incredulously.

"We had the same problem last year and so we organized the club to learn defense. I was teaching," Harry said resignedly.

"Cool. You have experience then!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Never thought I'll teach my dad though," Harry muttered and Lupin being the closest to him and the only one to hear laughed.


	4. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

_A.N. So I've started replying to your reviews. Just as in my Reading the Future fic, the section will be in the end of the chapter. Thank you all for you words and hope you enjoy reading!_

* * *

The news about the Defense Against the Dark Arts club spread around the school in mere hours and when Harry along with the Marauders came to dinner he saw Dumbledore wink at him. At least this hasn't changed. He saw Hagrid sitting at the teachers' table and was saddened to see no recognition in his friend's eyes. At least Snape wasn't there, he thought and then turned abruptly to the Slytherins where he could easily see the dark haired boy chatting secretively with a few others. He recognized the future Death Eaters at once. The marauders were chatting animatedly next to him but he wasn't listening. He missed Ron and Hermione. He's never spent so much time at Hogwarts without at least one of them. He noticed a round-faced girl at the Hufflepuff table sneaking glances at a tall boy with curly hair at Griffindor table. They looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place them.

"Harry," he snapped out of his thoughts to see the marauders looking at him expectantly.

"Sorry, was out for a moment," he said.

"We noticed," James said smiling. "I was just asking if you play Quidditch."

"Yeah, I do," Harry said smiling. "I'm a seeker."

"Cool!" Sirius said grinning. "We really need a seeker in the team."

"I can't," said Harry and their faces fell. "I have no idea when I'm going back so it doesn't seem as a good idea. And I don't' have a broom or money to get one as I don't actually exist here."

"I see your point, but I'd like to play with you at least in training sessions," James said sadly. "And don't worry about the money. You may not exist yet, but I doubt anyone has any doubts you and me are related."

Harry stared at him with a mixture of sadness and gratitude.

"I know you can't tell us much, but you really should be blind not to notice the similarity," James laughed and then added quietly so that only Harry could hear. "And your eyes tell me that I will get lucky in the end and Lily will eventually agree to go out with me."

Harry laughed at that. This James was different from the one he saw in the Pensive only a few weeks ago. They've passed Snape a few times during the day and James stopped Sirius every time the latter one tried to pick up on the Slytherin. Lily was always in sight, but still, that was a difference. Or maybe James was just trying to behave in front of him.

"What's the date?" Harry asked suddenly realizing he had no idea.

"September 20th." Peter replied. It was hard for Harry to talk to the boy and somehow Peter seemed to sense the unease and keep the distance. "And when do you come from?"

"June 26th 1996," Harry said.

"So twenty years then," Sirius said thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Harry said sadly. Twenty years and Voldemort is still at large. Twenty years of doom. Well, those thirteen that he was gone were okay, but these people don't know that. And with such a professor they had no chance of protecting themselves. Which brings him back to teaching. He liked it really the first time around. Only that time he wasn't a mysterious newcomer, he was a friend. And this time they don't know him. Yes, it's easy to guess James is his father, but so what? If he agreed to teach them he'll need them to trust him. Them. Who are they? How many? Last time it was illegal so there were only determined… still, 28. This time they would be in the open. How many will turn up? What will he do if the while school would want to participate? What would that make Professor Thomas? How would Harry deal with him then? He should have kept his mouth shut in the class. On the other hand, Dumbledore asked him for help. What was he going to teach them? He's just finished the fifth year himself! He really should go to Dumbledore about that. And then the club meetings.. When? How? He remembered all the trouble it was to find time with three Quidditch teams practices. And this time he'd have to take full moon into account as well. Speaking of which…

"I need to get to the library for a moment," he said to the marauders who looked at him with surprise. Of course, he could just ask them, but somehow he thought that this would be hard on Remus. "I'll catch up with you later. Don't worry. I know this place," he smiled. He was so down that day that he took the marauders map and the invisibility cloak with him just to hide from the people and now they were safely stored in his bag. No need for his dad and his friends to know about that yet.

He didn't go to the library though but went straight to the headmaster.

"Harry? How can I help you?" the wizard asked him a he sat down into the chair.

"Professor, as you already know, they asked me to teach them defense. But I have no idea what to teach them. I've just finished fifth year myself and I can't say that all our teachers were… you know. Anyway, how can I teach them something I don't know myself?" Harry asked feeling a little panicky.

"Harry, you don't need to teach them something you don't know. Let us see… You know Patronus Charm. What else?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

"Well, last year we had such a club. I started with Expelliarmus and then moved to Impedimenta, Stupefy, Shield Charms, Patronus and some good hexes. But we were fifth years. Not all of us, but still…"

"That was a very wise move," Dumbledore interrupted him. "To start with something easy to know where everybody stands. I think you could use the same logic here."

"But sir, they know all of this!" Harry said again.

"Not all. I'm sure Mr. Potter, Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin do, but I'm quite sure they won't be the only ones interested in extra lessons."

"You think I should make it official?" Harry said barely a whisper.

"Well, I don't think you should announce this on the Prophet, but you probably should allow everyone who wants to participate if they hear about the club. Didn't you do this last time?"

"It was kind of illegal then so we had to keep it quiet and hide," Harry said with a little smile.

"Oh," Dumbledore said. "I see. Well, let's say it's not illegal now, but keep quiet about it."

"Okay," Harry said and stood up to leave but then turned again remembering. "Professor, do you have a lunar chart so that I could plan lessons so that Remus could attend?"

Dumbledore looked at him steadily. He hid I well, but Harry knew his headmaster pretty well to see that the wizard was surprised and curious.

"I didn't want to ask in the library not to raise questions as I'm not taking Astronomy now. And asking Remus seemed wrong. I don't want to scare him," Harry explained and Dumbledore pulled a parchment from a drawer and handled it to him.

"Thank you, sir," Harry said, after a few moments returned it and left.

As he expected the common room was full when he got there at last. The moment he stepped inside the silence fell and he felt just like that first time when he was sorted and his name was said loudly in front of the school. He was used to this now, but it still made him a bit nervous. He noticed a group of older students in the corner and finding Sirius among them moved in their direction.

"So, Harry. You were busy today, it seems," Lily said smiling. "Only a few hours here and already a legend!"

Harry looked at her puzzled and she laughed.

"They tell me you're going to teach us defense. We've been talking about it for a few weeks already, but didn't have anyone to ask for help. And there you come out of nowhere."

"They didn't give me an option, you know," he told her half jokingly. "I'm still not sure if I can do this—I've only just finished fifth year and haven't even received my O.W.L. results."

"Well, Dumbledore put you in all the Auror classes so I think you managed to impress him. And that's good enough for us."

"There really is no way I can avoid it, is there?" Harry asked and Lily laughed.

"There really isn't. Situation is bad, I agree with them and that's something that doesn't usually happen."

Harry smiled at that.

"Okay. Have you already got a list of interested?" he asked looking at Lupin who smiled at him at that and handed him a piece of parchment. There were forty-two people listed with the year they were in and their house. Somehow Harry wasn't surprised to find that no Slytherins signed up.

"When are the Quidditch practices so that we could avoid complications?" he asked again and this time James replied.

"Hufflepuff's are on Mondays Wednesdays at seven and on Saturday at 7. Ravenclaw's Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5. Ours is Monday and Wednesday at 9(we were late booking the field this time!) and at the weekends It's at 12 both days."

Harry sighed.

"You seem used to this thing," a boy from the group Harry hasn't been introduced to yet said.

"Yeah, I've done this before," Harry replied smiling. He then moved to the little table with and armchair and sat down pulling a piece of parchment and a quill form his bag, the map nearly falling out of it as well. He glanced at the marauders and saw that James actually noticed and was grinning at him wildly. He grinned back and started to write down the calendar.

"What day is it today?" he asked the crowd and got some smirks in reply.

"It's Friday," Lily said looking sternly around.

"Okay, I suppose you all want to start as soon as possible. I don't think this weekend will do though. We'll have to find room. Monday and Wednesday are out because of Quidditch. Tuesday is out as well," he noticed Lupin's head jerk with a mixture of gratitude, curiosity and fright. It was a full moon. Thursday wasn't but he remembered only too well how frail Lupin looked two days after so he continued without a beat hesitation, "As is Thursday. I think next Friday will do. Say at seven and I'll let you know where as soon as we find a place," he finished before people could ask questions about his unreasoned decline of Tuesday and Thursday. Seeing nods from all around him he got up.

"Okay then. I'm Harry by the way," he said smiling.

After a few minutes he was introduced to the Griffindors but failed miserably to remember all the names. He was really tired by now, his head swimming with all the day's events and all he wanted was to reach his bed and sleep if he could manage. He got used to seeing Sirius beside him by the day but it didn't make the pain of losing the grown up one any better. If anything it made it worse.

_

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_

**_A/N/ So here comes my answer_reviews section._**

**Americangirl90038****, **Well, thank you. It's already finished, really, so I'll just keep updating one in a couple of days

**imaginedreamer****, **Well, sorry for Griffindor. I thought I managed to correct most of the typos but if not… sorry. And about them being told… I honestly think that if the Marauders were not told they would find out eventually on their on as they are just too curious and smart for their own good. I also think that one Albus Dumbeldore isn't the greatest wizard for nothing. HE must have understood this so it's only reasonable to let James and company know. And Harry is a terrible liar so anyway that wasn't really an option.

Yeah, it is fast paced, I agree. Part of the reason is that it's actually my first fic of the HP universe despite the fact it's being published only now and I feel strongly against changing much. It was written as it was Thank you for you words though, I really appreciate critisism 'cause I need it

**Tentrees**, glad you like it

**Ems-g****, **well, thank you, though I'm not that fond of flattery still, I'm sure your beta is correct, though I don't think I've read your fic yet. Good luck on your own stories!

**HoratioCraver101****, **thank you, I will try to stick to a schedule of one update in two or three days. The story is already finished, so unless I feel like I want to change something it shouldn't take longer.

**Jokegirl****, ****nightwing27** thank you.

**cattigoat, **Well you'll have to wait and see :) But no, i don't think so.

**Arcus Pluvius, **thank you! I'll think about shortening the paragraphs, but I'm not sure I'll do it in this story. Part of the reasons they are quite lengthy here as it's kind of thinking on Harry's part. Like what's going in his head and when you think you don't quite think in parahraphs. It's one continuous thing unless you're being interrupted. So that's part of the reason it is as it is. And as I said to imaginedreamer, what's written is written and I don't want to change it here, but I will use your advice in other fics. Thank you, I love it when people say what they think especially when what they suggest makes sense


	5. Chapter 4

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

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He slipped out of the room quietly. On his bed he found a package with a note in McGonagall's handwriting telling his books and clothes were inside. He was grateful for that. He pulled his new pyjamas and changed quickly. After he settled on his bed he pulled his bag to see what else he had brought with him from the future. He didn't really pay attention when he packed the cloak and the map that morning. A few rolls of parchment, quill and ink. A photograph Moody gave him earlier that year. He pulled it out and threw everything else back in. there they were. Not much older than the people who were cheering in the common room now, but so much wiser. They weren't the children playing anymore and still they smiled. The door creaked and Harry looked up to see James coming in and closing the door behind him again.

"You okay?" he asked Harry and sat on the next bed.

"Yeah. Just thinking," said Harry hiding the photo back into his bag and placing it under his bed.

"You must miss you friends really badly," James said. It was obvious he came to talk but Harry had no idea what about.

"I do. But they'll be fine and I'll see them again. Hopefully they'll be out of the hospital by then."

James frowned.

"The world you live in seems a pretty dark place," he said after a moment.

"Yeah," Harry replied. Sirius's pale face in front of his eyes again. "It is. It won't always be that bad though," he continued surprising himself as much as he did James. "As long as somebody's fighting there is hope, and I wont stop fighting Voldemort even if it kills me," or he kills me more likely, Harry thought to himself.

"Aren't you too.. young to talk like this?" James asked. This boy in front of him was his age though spoke like a grown up man and when Harry turned to look him straight in the eyes James shivered at the pain shining there. It seemed he wanted to say so much but chose his words carefully not to give too much away.

"I have to," was all Harry said but it was enough for James.

"I wanted to ask you something in fact," James said changing the topic. "Why not Tuesday and Thursday?"

Harry smiled. "It's full moon on Tuesday and I doubt Remus will be in any shape on Thursday either."

James smiled back. "I thought you knew. That's why you went to the library then. To get the lunar chart?"

Harry nodded. "Why didn't you ask us?" James asked.

"Well, didn't want to startle Moony. It would probably be even worse than if I asked Sirius to wiggle his tail."

James stared at him for a moment and then laughed. Harry smirked.

"You know that, don't you," he said.

"Yeah," Harry said grimly remembering the events that lead for him discovering his father was and Animagus.

"I'm really tired though," he said to James and the latter nodded. "I'm sorry, but it was quite a day…" he trailed off thinking about the few days preceding it. He thought about the prophecy. It wasn't made yet. He smirked suddenly seeing Dumbledore's face if it was he instead of Trelawney who said those words but than shook himself. "Goodnight James. Wake me up tomorrow, okay."

James was watching him worriedly. "Sure. Goodnight." He said but didn't leave. Instead he pulled on his own pyjamas and settled in his own bed. Somehow being with this boy only for a few hours made him see the world in such a different light. Even though Harry hadn't told them much, it was clear that he's suffered a great deal. He was so subdued, sad, so much more serious than a normal fifteen year old should be. He noticed that this boy, his son, wasn't as relaxed with Peter as he was with everyone else and wondered what will happen to his little friend in the future. His son. He'd never want his child to suffer so much that would make him grow up so early. Still, this one seemed able to deal with the pressure. His son. It was such a strange concept at the moment. Having a son. Having children. Being married. It all was so far away in James' mind. Of course he wanted to go out with Lily. He'd wanted it for years. Even more so since she stopped being friends with Snivelus. The latter wasn't so annoying after that either, at least for him. Sirius still hated the boy. But she turned him down every time he asked her. Does this mean she won't next time? Or the one after that? James smiled to himself. The moment he saw this boy's face and eyes was probably the happiest he had. The solid proof that Lily will say yes eventually, that there was still hope.

Suddenly Harry twitched and James thought that the boy probably was still awake and wanted to ask something, but his eyes were still shut and his face was contorted in fear. James sat up not really knowing what to do. Harry was obviously having a nightmare though James wasn't sure if he should wake him up or not. But then Harry started trashing in his bed, mumbling words too quick for James to decipher the meaning. James got up and moved to Harry's bed holding his shoulder trying to calm him down. He's seen people having nightmares before, but he's never been so terrified. If this made the strong person this Harry definitely was break what was he dreaming about? "No. No, he can't" came the words a bit slower than before. "He'll come back," Harry was screaming by now and James was afraid anyone would hear him. It was a private moment and he really didn't want anyone to intrude. He shook Harry again, but it made no difference. He boy was screaming and crying in his sleep. James caught words "not dead" and "come back" and decided he really had to wake the boy up. He shook him forcefully calling him by his name but to no avail. "She killed Sirius!" Harry screamed and James froze. Harry moved rashly, knocked James from his bed and woke up panting, covered in sweat looking around with wild eyes. He saw James staring at him in horror from the floor and knew his dad heard him. The door opened and Sirius rushed inside clearly having heard the screaming. Harry turned his horrorstruck gaze at him and paled even more, tears prickling in his eyes. James meanwhile sat back on his bed and hid his face in his hands.

"What happened? Who screamed?" Sirius asked coming to a halt between two occupied beds but none of the Potters could say a word for a while.

"How long ago?" James asked eventually looking at Harry with red eyes.

"Three days ago," Harry said in dead voice. Being so vulnerable just being awoken he couldn't master the strength to keep emotions at bay and grief engulfed him again. He felt tears running down his cheeks and couldn't even move to hide them.

"What the…" he heard Sirius mutter as someone pulled him into an embrace. It was James, clutching to him as much as Harry did to him, shaking with horror and silent sobs. James hasn't lived through losing his friend yet, and Harry knew never would, but this didn't mean the fact that Sirius will indeed be killed was easy for him to take in. It was strange though to be hugged like that by someone he didn't really know. But sharing the grief made it easier. Harry hasn't seen Lupin since the Ministry and there really was no one else he could talk about it. Neither Ron nor Hermione could understand what Sirius's death meant to him and Dumbledore did, but he was… well.. Dumbledore. And nobody else even knew that Sirius and Harry have ever met. Neville might have and idea, Harry though, but he's never been close with him, or Ginny or Luna to talk about such things. Luna would understand, he knew. They talked not so long ago and she really made him feel better, but she didn't know Sirius at all and couldn't share the loss with Harry.

"Prongs, what's going on?" Sirius asked a little panicky but instead of answering James just pulled him into an embrace as well.

When they woke up in the morning nobody mentioned what happened at night and Harry was grateful. He really wasn't looking forward to answering questions, but it really improved his relationship with James.

"How did you come here then?" Lily asked at breakfast. To James' great delight she settled next to their group at the Griffindor table.

"Don't know. I've been wondering around the castle and found myself next to the entrance to the Room of Requirement. I couldn't decide where to go as I really wanted to be left alone, to… think," he glanced and James and he gave him a sad smile. "So I stumbled around for a bit and there was a door. I wasn't aiming to the room so I have no idea what it was that a really wanted, but I got inside and there was," he trailed off looking at Lily and blushing. "There was a coach and a little table. I fell asleep after a while and when I woke up I decided to go to pack. We were leaving for the summer that morning. I skipped the end of term feast. But then I found myself here. Stuck for now."

He avoided looking into Lily's eyes as she must surely know what was in that room he hid from Malfoy and everybody.

James watched the exchange curiously. Especially the fact that Harry wasn't looking at Lily. There definitely was something else to that room he didn't mention. Lily seemed troubled and rapidly turning angry and blushing. Whatever it was she wasn't happy with Harry for seeing whatever it was. But then he saw it in her eyes. A revelation of some kind. Like a thought that made her anger stop.

"How did you know it was mine?" she asked Harry startling everybody else.

"I guessed," Harry said quietly still not looking at her.

She was staring at him trying hard to work it out, how a boy from the future could guess the author of the diary. There were no surnames… she's never put her name there. She surely mentioned the marauders, but she wasn't the only one in the whole world who could talk about them. What else did he read? What has she written there? You-Know-Who's rising and Sev. But that couldn't be it, could it? it surely wasn't enough. In this one she never mentioned the actual incident, only that she hasn't spoken to him. She only started in two days before she left Hogwarts. Tuney not talking to her, but nobody here really knew her family. Definitely not James Potter and his friends. Unless… she gasped.

"Look at me," she whispered and as Harry looked at her surprised by an unexpected request she pressed her hand to her mouth dropping her fork at the same time.

James laughed startling all three of his friends.

"It really seems you have no choice in the matter, Lils," he said grinning and Lily blushed to the rots of her hair.

"You dream," she said blushing even deeper shade of pink. Lupin and Sirius who seemed to catch up laughed in earnest now and Peter giggled nervously with confusion looking from one to another.

"You really shouldn't have read them," Lily told Harry sternly with such an annoyed_mother expression Harry burst laughing as well.

"Yes Mum," he chuckled and she grinned.

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**Darkleaf**, no worries, thank you :)

**americangirl90038****,** thanks, glad you like it.

**imaginedreamer**, thanks.


	6. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

While Sirius and James were at the quidditch practice, Harry asked Remus to help him to catch up. From his past dealings with Lupin he was sure he was the perfect candidate for that. After two hours in the library Lily joined them.

"Didn't expect you to join us," Harry told her and she chuckled.

"Actually, I spend most of the time James and Sirius use for quidditch here studying with Remus. He's really nice, as you certainly know. Just don't tell them that or Moony'll have problems," she said settling next to them and pulling her books out of the bag.

"He never said," Harry started, but caught himself at their curious looks. "I just always thought it was dad who pulled you into the company."

Lily blushed. It was weird hearing this boy talking about her and James in that way. They weren't even going out together yet and now it seemed they didn't have a choice and that was annoying. But then she really liked him so would she want to go out with him if she'd never met this boy? The answer was obvious and she grinned.

"So, why are you not at the quidditch practice? I thought you were a seeker," she asked Harry.

"Apart from the fact that I'm not supposed to be here?" he said.

"Yeah, apart from that."

"Well, I'm three weeks behind. Even if I don't' get to take exams with you, I still have to keep up with you lot. Who knows when I'm going to get back and what date it will be?" Harry said and thought of Ron and Hermione. What if he comes back in a year? Would they miss him? Would anybody go looking for him? Well, Dumbledore might guess what happened. Yes. He must remember this time. But then… It's better not to think, he decided and resumed working on his Potions essay.

With Lily's and Remus's help he was doing quite well and by the time lunch came was nearly done with Potions. Somehow the absence of Snape as a teacher made it easier to concentrate and study.

"Tell me we're not with Slytherins at potions," he said suddenly as the thought of having Snape in the same room struck him.

"We are. Why?" Remus said and Lily frowned.

"Nothing. Just got enough of them in my time," lied Harry. At least he's not a teacher.

'They are okay though," Remus said. "It seems they have too much on their minds to be bothered with intimidating others," he continued and Harry frowned. It was true; he hasn't seen any attacks so usual in his time. Snape, he thought and sighed.

"It seems the head of the house is a decent man then," he said and looked in surprise at Lily who chuckled.

"Well, he is, but he's absent now. Got ill or something. I think he's thinking of retirement," Lily though. "He's teaching Potions. We have Professor Bones now. He's not as good at the subject, but is quite okay with all the houses."

"That's a change," Harry muttered, but unfortunately, Lily heard and asked why he said so.

"In my time the Potion Professor is head of Slytherin as well. He's really good at his subject, but… Well, he takes points from Griffindor for being there and encourages the Slythereens to taunt others. Griffindor mostly. But Hufflepuff gets its fair share as well. The first time I came to potions in my first year he asked my four questions, only one of which was covered in the first year, at the end of it, actually, and took 10 points from Griffindor for that. He's never stopped since."

Lily and Remus were staring at Harry but he couldn't stop himself now that he started. There's been so much that Snape did to him over the years, not only to him. The way he taunted Sirius all this last year for hiding at the headquarters. The way he rummaged through Harry's own mind without a hint of how to fight it. "A few years ago on of them hexed my friend so that her teeth grew down to her chin and Sn… that professor said he didn't see the difference. I had to study Occlumency this year and instead of just explaining what I should try and do he just rummaged through my mind taunting and insulting every good thing I've ever had…" Harry's hands were shaking with anger. He thought that if he met Snape at this moment he'd tear him apart.

"Why did he do this?" lily asked quietly.

Harry didn't want to answer. He could say that Snape was a cruel bastard, but he couldn't make himself do it because he knew the reason. And even though he'd never act this way if he were in Snape's place, a part of him could understand it.

"Anyway, do you have any idea what to teach us?" Remus said changing the topic abruptly.

"Well," said Harry thoughtfully. "Last time I started with a disarming spell. I'm sure all of you know it, but as far as we have some younger students it could still be a good idea."

"Yeah, James and Sirius won't like it though. I think they wanted some real lessons," Remus said evenly.

"Well, as I told you lot, I've just finished my fifth year so I don't know any of the 6th year stuff. Well, Patronus maybe," Harry chuckled and Remus and Lily looked at his in surprise.

Harry pondered whether he should tell it or not, and then decided to go with it. "It's just funny, Remus, seeing as you were the one who taught me that Spell."

Lupin looked at him stunned for a moment and then chuckled. "I see your point there."

"Can you show us?" Lily asked. "I've read about it in a book, but I've never seen one."

"Here? Madame Pinns will chuck us out immediately!" Harry exclaimed laughing at Lily who had such a familiar expression on her face. She really looked like Hermione at the moment and it made Harry miss his friend.

He's always wanted to spend time with his parents, but this wasn't how he imagined it. These people were not yet them and it was strange really. Remus hasn't changed much over the years and it was easy talking to him. But Lily and James… they weren't even together yet, though Harry was sure they would be soon enough. Lupin told they started going out in the seventh year. He'll be gone by then hopefully. He though why Lupin never mentioned this meeting. Probably the same reason why Harry keeps the future to himself. In five years two of these five people will die, another one will go to Azkaban and another one will turn into a rat and Remus will be left completely alone for 12 years.

Remus was studying Harry out of the corner of his eye. The boy was fascinating. And not just because he was a copy of his friend, except the eyes, but because James looked like a kid beside this boy, who was thrown 20 years into the past, knew nobody except some teachers and his parents, who are not even dating yet. In other words, despite the Marauders took him in immediately, he was still distant and alone. Remus felt that no matter how they tried, Harry would still keep them at arms length. Probably it was wise. Though as alone as Harry was he didn't seem to be phased by it. He wasn't exactly secretive, but left a clear impression that he could take care of himself. The one thing that nor James neither Lily nor even Sirius were used to. The thing that he, Remus, has to learn to do now that his parents died. He stopped abruptly and stared at Harry who was writing purposefully not paying attention to the people around him. Could it be? Not once had Harry slipped and called James Dad. It could be a huge self-control… or just the lack of a habit. He called Lily Mum at breakfast, but that was just a thing anybody would say if they saw Lily's face at the moment.

"What's that?" Lily asked suddenly and grabbed Harry's hand and watching at the back of it.

'I must not tell lies,' was written across it.

"Who's done this to you?" Lily asked going pale.

"The toad that was our defense against the dark art teacher last year," Harry said bitterly and pulled his hand back.

"Is that even legal?" Lily asked her voice barely a whisper.

"I think not, but there are hard times where I come from. It's not a common detention though. I was just lucky," he added and resumed his essay.

Lily and Remus just stared at him not knowing what was worse… the thing done or the matter of fact tone Harry used.

After lunch Harry began feeling crowded and left to have a walk on the grounds. Normally he'd go and see Hagrid, but this Hagrid has never met Harry Potter before, has never brought him a letter and has never taken him to Diagon Alley to prepare for Hogwarts. Still deep in thoughts Harry found himself at the door of the Game Keeper's cabinet. He knocked.

"Who's there?" came the familiar growl and the door opened to reveal a huge mass of hair that made a bushy beard.

"Oh, Can I help you?" Hagrid asked and Harry felt stupid. He really shouldn't have come.

"Sorry, Hagrid. I was just…do you mind having tea with me?" he asked quietly.

Hagrid frowned. It was clear he wasn't used to this, especially from a student he's never met before.

"Please?" Harry said and Hagrid gestured for him to come inside.

The room was exactly as Harry left it a few days ago, in a bit more disarray, but still absolutely recognizable.

"I'm Harry. Harry Potter," he said as he walked to the wooden table in the middle of the room.

"That boy form the future?" Hagrid asked pulling mugs and moving to start the fire.

"You can use your umbrella, I won't tell," Harry said as Hagrid pulled out the matches and tried to figure how to use them.

"Oh," he said startled. "Thanks," he pulled the pink umbrella and with a little movement finished the work.

"So," he said settling at the table next to Harry. "You and I are friends then?"

Harry smiled. "Yeah. How did you guess?"

"Oh," Hagrid laughed. "Nobody ever comes to have tea with me except Dumbledore, not that hard to figure it out."

"Yeah," Harry said again. He didn't know what he expected from this meeting and he was regretting coming here at all.

"Hey, Harry, what's wrong?" Hagrid asked watching the boy intently. But Harry just blinked and Hagrid continued. "I know I don't know you… oh, this is weird. Still. I'm here for you, Harry."

"Thanks, Hagrid," Harry said pulling his mug to him. "It's just… hard. Nobody knows me here, but I do know many of you. And I have to keep my mouth shut about the future all the time. And that just means that I can't let anybody to actually know me. And it's so hard. It's harder than trying to disappear among the friends who keep watching over you," he said. It was like once started he wouldn't be able to stop, words spilling out of his mouth. "I'm used to being stared at and… and being alone…and not knowing stuff… and keeping secrets… but this.. this is so…"

Hagrid patted his shoulder. "My mum and dad are here, only they are not yet and won't be for a long time. And they're different from the people I dreamed of meeting all my life! And I can't tell them! I can't tell anybody! I shouldn't be telling you this, but I just can't!…" he gulped some tea and tried to calm himself. Of all his adventures at Hogwarts this one was yet the worst. It was like watching in a twisted mirror, that shows you what you want, only different. "And I have no idea when or how I can get back. At least I know it's possible but Dumbledore doesn't elaborate." Hagrid poured him some more tea but remained quiet. This outburst of a stranger was one of the weirdest things he's ever experienced. They drank it in silence, Harry calming down and Hagrid thinking hard. He didn't know how long they stayed there drinking tea and talking occasionally, but it made him calm down and relax.

"Harry, you really should go back to the castle—it's getting late and I don't want you to get into trouble because I really want to see you again. You will come, won't you?"

At first Harry flinched thinking that Hagrid wants him away, but then he looked outside and saw it was getting dark. He sighed. "You're right. Can I come again tomorrow?" he asked hopefully and beamed when the half-giant nodded. "Thanks. It really means much to me," he said and left. He was late for dinner but somehow he didn't feel hungry so he just went straight to the common room. He saw four marauders in the corner of the room no doubt planning their upcoming night trip. He probably should stop them, but as far as he knew there has never happened anything they'll be ashamed of. Lily was sitting at the little table reading some book with a big cat purring on her lap. She was ginger and the cat was brown. If it were the other way round he'd think it was Hermione… He walked past them and disappeared on the stairs leading to the boys dormitories.

There was another weekend tomorrow and he planned to catch up Tranfiguration. He liked McGonagall. Over the years she became one very special person to him and he didn't want to disappoint her even in this time and place. He thought he could ask her to use her classroom for their defense club. She might allow it. With these thoughts he fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

* * *

In the following weeks Harry settled down into a routine of classes and homework. It was hard on him and he was getting tired. This year's lack of summer holidays was showing on him now that it's been nearly two terms without rest. Everyday he returned to the 7th floor and tried to get back but failed every time. The defense club was meeting once a week with little changes according to the lunar charts. Harry's always been able to find a plausible excuse to those days so that nobody suspected anything. Sometimes he thought that Lupin knew that he knew his secret, but with time relaxed about that as Harry showed no intention to tell anybody else, making life easier for Remus instead. Unexpectedly for him he spent much time in the library this term and Lily often joined him. Harry felt that getting attached to anybody here will only hurt him when he leaves so he just kept to himself mostly, spending his free time only with marauders, Lily or Hagrid, whom he introduced to the teenagers. It was a natural thing for them now to go to the Game Keeper for tea on Saturdays.

Potions were surprisingly calm and Harry even made some progress. He found it easier to do what he had to without constant pressure of Snape's hatred directed at him. The young Snape was the best in class, as Harry expected. Never once has his potion turned less than perfect and despite his own intentions Harry came to admire the potion maker in him. He still was a very unpleasant person though and indeed as Lupin said didn't miss a chance to hex James or now Harry as well every time they met without Lily in the vicinity. James never reacted though to Harry's great surprise and immense relief.

And now Hagrid was busy pulling Christmas Trees into the Great hall and Harry, sitting on steps of the marble stairs leading from the entrance hall felt more alone than ever. No Ron or Hermione… or Mrs. Weasley this time. Last year was the first one that he left Hogwarts for these holidays. It wasn't a happy time, but he spent it with Sirius, who was so happy he wasn't going to celebrate alone with only Kreacher wandering the house. But Kreacher left, betrayed Sirius. And Sirius died. And Harry was responsible. If he learned Occlumency, if only he tried hard enough, his godfather would still be alive and Harry would probably still be in his time, instead of 20 years earlier with his family, who doesn't know him. He thought of Neville taking the wrapper from his mum. This wasn't the same, but just as bad.

"Harry," came James's voice form behind him and a moment later the boy himself dropped next to Harry.

"I was thinking, do you want to come home with me for Christmas? I asked mum and dad and they'd love to meet you."

"You sure?" Harry asked and James nodded smiling.

"You are family, even if it's not now."

Harry didn't want to leave Hogwarts afraid to miss his opportunity to return to the future, but lately he started feeling claustrophobic in the castle.

"I'd love to," he said finally.

"Great!" James exclaimed and stood up. "Hogwarts Express leaves tomorrow at nine. I think you don't have a trunk, but you can use mine," he bounced a little. "I'm really excited you come. I think Mum and Dad would love meeting their grandson and I'd love to get to know you better."

'Okay,' was all Harry could say in return. The idea of meeting his Grands has never even crossed his mind, though now, that he'd thought of it, meeting them in this time would be better that meeting his actual parents. James was just a boy at the moment, so much more carefree than Harry already was it was hard to treat his as his father.

James left and Harry stayed sitting on the stairs watching Hagrid pull another tree into the hall. The Game Keeper smiled at him and Harry waved back. As he disappeared inside the Great Hall Harry stood up and went to his dormitory to pack the few belongings he had.

It was the first time he took Hogwarts Express without Ron and he couldn't help glancing around searching for him. Remus and Sirius stayed at Hogwarts this time so there was only Harry, James and Peter in the compartment. Over this few months Harry's grown used to being around Wormtail and even though he couldn't forget that this boy will eventually be the reason his parents were dead, he could see why James like him so much. He was short and clumsy, but seemed to be nice. Harry didn't like the look of adoration that occupied Peter's face every time James or Sirius did something funny or performed some advanced magic. Maybe it was just because Harry knew how much this will cost him eventually.

Just after the lunch cart left, Lily joined them and James face light up. Harry suppressed a smile at this show of affection. They still didn't go out, and Lily had turned James down three times during this term, but she was becoming more and more relaxed around him.

When the train started to slow down at Kinds Cross Lily pulled out her trunk and pulled two packages from it.

"Early Christmas presents," she announces giving one to Harry and another to James.

"I'm sorry I didn't make you anything," Harry said. He really wanted to but he had no money, no owl and no outside friends who could help.

"It's okay, Harry. I understand," she replied kindly. "I know that you wanted to, and it's not your fault. Just promise me to have a great Christmas."

"James," she continued, "If he's hurt you'll answer."

All the boys laughed at this. It was amazing how easily she took to Harry and all this being a mother thing. Harry thought that it's probably something girls are born with.

"You'll get your on Christmas day," James told her grinning mysteriously and Lily blushed. "Have a good time there."

It was strange getting out of the express without his trunk and his owl and Harry kept glancing around, clutching his bag with all the stuff he came here with, for them only to find James pulling his own trunk. Despite Harry's expectations they didn't go in the direction of the portal, but moved to the back of the train instead, saying good bye to Peter first. At Harry's questioning gaze James frowned and explained that there are fireplaces so they could go home. He was clearly confused how his son didn't know that but remained silent as they made their way along with many other students.

Harry saw them first. Well, he saw his granddad. He was hard to miss; He was an older version of James, and Harry himself, but without glasses. A little red haired woman stood by his side and waved them to come. James bounced with excitement. He seemed eager to introduce Harry to them.

"Mum, Dad. This is Harry. Harry, this is…" he trailed off confused. "How does he call you?" he turned to his parents who chuckled.

"Grandmother and Grandfather I suppose," Mrs. Potter said smiling at Harry who smiled back hesitantly. This was weird.

"Nice to meet you Harry," said Mr. Potter shaking Harry's hand. "You really look like James. Come on now."

The house wasn't a big one, but there was enough room for everyone and all in all it was warm and cozy, nothing like Sirius's or the Burrow. It was clearly an old wizarding family house with many portraits, habitants of which looked at Harry with great curiosity. His room wasn't large, but was much better than the one he slept in at the Dursley's. When he met James and the others in the dining room a few minutes later they were sat on the coach and armchairs chatting easily.

"Oh, Harry. James was just telling us about the defense club you organized. It's such a wonderful idea! What are you teaching them?" asked Mrs. Potter.

Harry blushed at this. He was used to his unofficial status in Hogwarts, but it was strange telling this to the actual parents of his student. "Not much," he said. "I've just finished 5th year myself, so I'm not much better than they are and surely not as good as James is in many other subjects."

"Oh, come on!" James intervened. "Yes, I agree we started with some basic stuff like Expeliarmus. But he is good. He might not know many different spells, but he really gets the idea and manages to explain it to us."

Harry stared at him. He's never thought of that like this but yeah, defense wasn't about the spells. Dark arts were changing constantly, it was what defied them.

"Thanks James," he said eventually. "I never thought about it like that, but you are right."

Mr. and Mrs. Potter laughed at that.

"How does it feel you teaching him?" his grand mum asked pointing at James.

"Weird," Harry replied smiling.

"Harry promised to teach us Patronus after the holidays," James said excitedly. All the marauders were fascinated by this spell, yet they haven't seen Harry's and he wasn't sure how they would react.

"You can produce a Patronus?" Mr. Potter asked surprised.

"He says so, we've never seen one though," James said smirking. He was obviously trying to make Harry show his skill but Harry wasn't going for the bait.

"I'm still underage. I can't do magic outside school," Harry said looking pointedly at James.

"Good boy," said his mother and Harry blushed. Somehow he felt he needed to defy himself after that.

"I've already got in enough trouble with the Ministry because of that. First Dobby performed the levitation charm and I was accused. Then dementors…" he trailed off feeling he's said too much.

"Oh, but you can here. Noboby'll know it was you and not me, or mum or d…" James trailed off looking horror struck.

"You live with the muggles," he stated staring at Harry who nodded sadly at him.

"How did you know?" Harry asked curious and wanting to change the direction of the discussion.

"They can only locate the spell for about 50 feet radius. In wizards families parents have to ensure their kids don't do magic," Mr. Potter said sadly. "What happened, Harry?"

"I can't tell you," Harry said grimly. "Dumbledore said I shouldn't. It's no good knowing your future." Especially such a future, he thought to himself.

"Well then," said James' mum after a few minutes with a forced smile. "This only means that we should enjoy all the time together we have. Now, Harry, James. Move to the kitchen. It's time for dinner."

It was the best dinner Harry'd ever had! And not just because of the food. As soon as they all managed to move on from the sad topic it was the best chat he's ever had. They talked about the family and shared funny stories. And even though Harry found he couldn't tell them much without revealing just how alone he really was, he talked freely about Ron and Hermione. About their troubles with the Slytherins at Hogwarts. About Hedwig and Crookshanks. He didn't mention Scabbers though. He said that Voldemort was gone for a long time, but reappeared recently again. He didn't give them the reason though. He told them about the chamber of secrets and asked not to tell this story to anyone. He told about the triwizard Tournament, editing the whole Voldemort bit not to hurt them too much. He told them all the things he always wished to share with his parents.

"Wow, what a life you have," James breathed in the end. It was late past midnight, but none of them seemed eager to go to bed yet. Mrs. Potter moved to sit beside Harry and hugged him.

"How many times dis he try to kill you?" she asked quietly and Harry swallowed.

"Five," he whispered into the silence of the living room and his granddad gasped.

"You're a hell of a wizard," James said proudly. "You won't tell about the other three times though?"

Harry shook his head relaxing into his grandma's embrace.

They were quiet for a long time after this everyone deep in their own thoughts.

"How can I ever live up to you?" James asked sadly. There was no lightness in his gaze now, only grim understanding.

"You'll never have to. You are my dad and that's good enough for me," Harry replied after a pause. The James who sat beside him in the train wasn't, but this one… Harry saw that this one stepped onto the road of becoming a man everyone from Harry's time who knew his parents loved and respected.

It must have been strange for Mr. and Mrs. Potter watch the transformation James went through during this break and Harry wasn't sure if they were happy or no. The process of growing up was inevitable, yet it meant that a kid becomes an adult and need to be let free. It doesn't happen in a moment, or a day or a week, but once the process is started there really isn't anything that could stop it.

When the time came for the boys to go back to Hogwarts Mr. and Mrs. Potter pulled Harry aside.

"It seems we'll never see you again, so we just wanted to tell you how proud we are. I know you haven't told us much and we've only known you for two weeks, but that was enough to recognize you as a great person that you are. I wish we had more time, and we want you to remember us. To have something to remind you of your family," his granddad pressed a thick book in Harry's hands. He opened it to find photos, each with a little caption.

"Thank you," he said shakily. He could take it with him!!! He looked at his grandparents with tears in his eyes. "You have no idea how much this means to me!"

His granddad chuckled. "Oh, we do, don't worry about that son."

His grandma pulled him into a hug. "Write to us while you're here, okay?"

"Can I?" Harry asked not believing. Of all the things Sirius had given him, it was this little thing that made him miss his godfather so terribly.

"Of course you can! You should have written months ago!" his grandma said still holding him.


	8. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

On the way back both he and James pulled their own trunks. James' big but quite empty and Harry's small, but full of the most valuable treasures he's ever had, something that never happened to him before—presents from his family—a thick album full of family history, a snitch from James and a pair of mittens from Lily.

All the ride back Harry thought of how happy he was, it engulfed him, drawing the pain of losing Sirius from his heart. It was when he saw Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall waiting for him in the entrance hall that the smile vanished from his face. He heard James gasp next to him—he understood it too. Harry saw him pulling a familiar mirror from his pocket to call his best friend's name.

"Come to the entrance hall now. Bring Moony."

Harry turned around and saw Lily coming laughing through the doors, he saw her smile fade as she too saw Dumbledore and Harry. She left her trunk where it was and ran towards them.

"You're leaving," she sad in a hollow voice.

"He has to," Dumbledore said calmly. "I take it we're waiting for Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin now?"

Harry nodded and Lily took his hand supportively.

"Is there anything you want to take from your dormitory?" McGonagall asked unexpectedly softly.

"No, it's all here," Harry said and swallowed. "Professor, how do you know it's time?" he asked Dumbledore hoping against hope he could stay for a while longer.

"This happened before, as I have told you Mr. Potter," Dumbledore sad kindly. "This is one of the strangest kinds of magic I've ever encountered. It's a part of Room of Requierment, but can be accessed only in time of deepest grief and need." At this time Sirius and Lupin who have just raced down the steps paled and James pulled Harry into an embrace. "But as most of the spells," the headmaster continued, "it has it's time limitations."

"Why didn't you tell me this in the beginning, professor?" Harry asked shaking now.

"I wasn't sure, but this morning the Room transformed into one you came through and sealed itself for your access only. I'm sorry, Mr. Potter, but it really is time to go."

"I understand," Harry said using every bit of determination he possessed not to break down here and now. He looked around and gestured they're ready to go. It was a strange procession with Dumbledore and McGonagall in the head and Sirius and Lupin in the back. When they reached the door Dumbledore and McGonagall said their good byes and left.

Harry looked at Remus. The Lupin Harry knew form the future was a friend, but this one became so much closer. "It seems you're not the one to teach me Patronus in the end," he chuckled and Harry smiled sadly. "No, it seems I'm not. Sorry."

"It's okay. We'll manage. You take care, Harry. I'm really looking forward to meeting you again."

"Thanks, Remus. I'll see you soon. Well, for me. Hopefully."

Sirius came next and tears broke from Harry's eyes.

"It's a goodbye then," Padfoot said and Harry nodded.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Harry said eventually and Sirius just pulled him into a hug.

"I'm not an idiot you know and could figure something happened to me. Whatever it was, it's not your fault, Harry. I'm glad I met you and I'm happy I'll see you again."

"Take care Padfoot," Harry said pulling back and wiping his eyes with a back of his hand.

Lily came next. She was crying silently and pulled him into a hug.

"You're the best son ever, Harry. I can't wait to meet you for real."

"Thanks mum," Harry whispered into her hair.

James stepped closer and hugged them both.

"You are a hard act to follow, Harry. Thank you for showing it's possible to fight him and win. And good luck."

"Good luck to you too," Harry whispered to both of them.

He felt that if he stayed there for a moment longer he'd break and stay, and… he pulled away from them, picked his trunk and pulled open the door. He looked one last time at them. Sirius and Lupin at the back pale and sad. Lily crying quietly in James' arms, who looked at him seriously and sadly. He closed the door and turned around.


	9. Epilogue

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

It wasn't the room with an old sofa and diaries. Harry thought what he had to do now. Or does he just open the door and walk into 1996? It was dark and he didn't really have a choice. His hands hurt clutching his trunk with all the power he could master. He pulled the door again. The corridor was empty except for a lone figure sitting on the floor a few meters to the left. Harry walked and dropped down next.

"How are you?" Lupin asked. "I never forgot the date and wanted to meet you when you came back."

Harry didn't answer. His eyes were still wet from tears. He sat like that clutching his trunk afraid to say a word feeling it will break him, terrified that if he opened his mouth he'd scream. He hid his face in his hands willing back tears. He was losing the battle with his grief and felt Lupin's hands pulling him into a hug. He couldn't keep it in much longer. He broke down.

Two hours later he found himself in the office, which used to be Lupin's two years ago, with a cup of hot tea with a blanket tucked around him. He was still shaking but no more tears came. Remus sat in front of him, his eyes red and puffy.

"Thanks," Harry said his voice low and grumpy.

"What happened after I left?" he asked after a few gulps of tea.

"We went to the common room. Lily and James had been together ever since," Lupin said quietly.

"But you said they got together in the seventh year?" Harry asked incredulously.

Remus stayed quiet for a moment. " I think I got it wrong that time. It's just Lily and James… they've always been an item in my head."

"I have no idea what you've done to James that Christmas, but he came back a grown up man. He took over you teaching defense. Spent hours in the library looking for useful spells and hexes and when he couldn't work it out by himself asked Dumbledore for help," Lupin continued.

"Dumbledore?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. Who would have thought. The best prankster in school…"

"What happened to grandma and granddad?" Harry asked. He's never heard of them until recently. Though it's been a term for him.

"They died not long before you were born. I don't know the details though."

"It was like losing all of them all over again," Harry said his voice trembling.

"You know, the memory of how you hugged Sirius kept me going through all the years he was in Azkaban. I couldn't prove he was innocent, but your obvious love for him kept the hope burning. Thanks for that, Harry," Lupin said looking at Harry sadly.

"When are we?" Harry finally asked looking at the dark sky visible through the window.

"The feast hasn't finished yet," Lupin said. "You must be hungry."

Harry felt he was but the idea of going back into the crowd frightened him. Lupin evidently guessing Harry's thoughts called Dobby and in a few minutes there was a plate of mashed potatoes and roasted chicken in front of Harry.

When he finished eating Lupin said nervously. "Harry, I really need to be going now. I'm sorry, but…"

Harry interrupted him "It's okay, Remus. I understand." He saw Lupin beaming at him and got absolutely confused.

"You call me Remus at last," he said and Harry, taken absolutely by surprise, laughed.

Harry was walking through the corridors pulling his trunk behind him when he saw Hagrid walking purposefully towards him. The care and recognition in his eyes made Harry feel a little warmer.

"Harry! Dumbledore's just told me! Are you okay?"

"Hello, Hagrid. Yeah. I'm fine," Harry replied with a sad smile. "The hardest part was being a stranger to you, Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall. Still, I'm back now."

Hagrid picked his trunk and accompanied Harry to the Griffindor Tower. The common room was empty so Harry could get to his dormitory unnoticed. He opened his big trunk and started packing his things that he hasn't seen for more than three months: the books, and rolls of parchment, socks and T-shirts, quills and inkbottles, robes and jeans, and on top of that marauders' map, invisibility cloak, two photo albums and his mother's woolen mittens.

When Ron, who was released from hospital the previous evening, asked where did he get those things from Harry just smiled. On the train to London he told his friends what happened to him and even Hermione, always eager to learn ahead said he needed rest.

Lying on his bed in the Dursley's house he thought about the godfather he knew and about Sirius he met in the past. He thought of his parents and his grands, about the life he caught a glimpse of that Christmas, the life he lost because of Voldemort. Dumbledore was right. He didn't have to fight, but he wanted to. He wanted him finished so that his kids wouldn't have to live through the horror and pain he's lived though. And for that he has to live and not shut himself out. Nor Sirius, nor his parents would want him to hide from the whole world again.

So he won't.


End file.
